The Fraternity Blog

Remembering What We're Celebrating

2011-11-16T22:00:00.010-05:00

For many of us this Thursday will mark a day of family, food, and football. Hopefully, it also means giving thanks for everything you have. That's what it's all about isn't it?

Just as we sometimes forget what we are really celebrating on days like Thursday (The 4th of July has become more about BBQ's and fireworks than celebrating our independence, hasn't it?), as fraternity men, we sometimes forget what being in a fraternity truly means.

Chances are, somewhere in your fraternity's mission, creed, or membership program, there is a part about service. Chances are, as a part of your fraternity, you participate in quite a bit of the service your creed teaches you about.

So how can you focus on living up to your fraternity's values this Thanksgiving? By giving back.

So here is a few tips for you this Thanksgiving so that you may refocus on your fraternity's values and what the holiday is really about:

1. Raise money for a non-profit that helps the hungry

2. Collect food for the hungry

3. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

4. Send a care package/card to a soldier

5. Deliver Thanksgiving dinner to the housebound/hospital

THANK YOU for reading, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

An Argument for Planning Ahead

2011-11-15T15:31:00.000-05:00

First, you need to watch this video.

What did you learn from that short experiment? While the message was rather obvious through the study, it sheds like on how important time is.

If you think about being Greek, it also sheds like on what fraternities (and general college students) do a lot--procrastinate. We wait too long before planning something and we end up doing it all last minute.

Hopefully after you watched this video you now realize that when you procrastinate and do not do long-term planning, you lose the creativity and limit the success of what your event or program could have been.

How many of you feel that planning often time is a chore? You feel pressured to get it done right? Sometimes, I admit, the fun is taken out of our job as Greeks because we don't have the time to "do the work", yet we have to. That is why long-term planning is essential, and procrastination needs to stop.

Begin your work early and the fun comes back. Ideas will begin to flow and before you know it, the event you were planning has transformed into something completely different than when you began. It transformed into something better. How could it have if you waited until the last minute to do it? Now that you have a week before the event, your school work is piling up, you have a formal tonight, a big game tomorrow and ritual on Thursday? If that sounds like your schedule, then why aren't you planning ahead? Wayyyyyy ahead.

The video above ended with this: Creativity is not inspired by the pressure of time, but by the freedom, the playfulness, and the fun. If you plan ahead and begin planning a semester before an event, that opens yourself and your organization to 1) obviously have more time to plan 2) be more creative 3) have fun doing the planning and 4) ensure the event is as successful as it could possibly be.

Give yourself the opportunity to have a little fun.

A Lesson from VH1's Tough Love

2011-11-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

Yes, I watch VH1’s Tough Love. Why? Like many Americans, I love watching train wrecks on television. The idea behind the show is that the host is trying to coach a dozen women into realizing why they are still single. Anyone watching the show could probably tell them too, but that is not the point. What it is certain, is that these women are their own worst enemies.

In the second episode of this season, the women are all on dates in a sports bar, when they are caught off guard by the host appearing on all the televisions. After greeting the women, he explains one great truth: After a man meets you, he will go home and check you out on Facebook and Google you. Am I right guys? You know who you are.

Unfortunately for the women, what appeared up on the screens after the host’s introduction were not pretty. In fact, the women were all embarrassed. Why? There were scantily clad photos, captured memories of drunken nights, and less than favorable poses...all taken from their public Facebook pages.

Immediately, the women responded negatively. They were mad, upset, and embarrassed. One woman expressed that it was "messed up" that he would show these. This was definitely not the way they wanted to be represented on their dates.

And guess what? They put that stuff on Facebook themselves...in public...for everyone to see...for anyone to search for.

The parallel to fraternities here is clear. Whether it is your organization's website or Facebook page or your member's personal Facebook pages, you need to be careful what you put out there. Every image, every witty quote, every page you "like" represents who you are...and who you are represents your organization's membership. As I have stated before, you are always wearing your letters.

Does the impression you are giving on Facebook reflect the values you try to represent in your organization? If the answer is no, unfortunately it is not your opinion that matters...but the opinion of the public and potential new members that does.

Be careful what you post.

The Legend of Achilles

2011-10-13T14:51:00.000-04:00

In Greek mythology, Achilles was a hero of the Trojan War and Homer's Illiad. Legend has it that Achilles' mother, Thetis, dipped young Achilles in the river Styx to make him immortal. Achilles grew up to be a strong warrior, a man of strong will, who then fought the Trojans and killed many enemies. He was praised by the Greeks to be one of the greatest warriors of all time. He was the embodiment of being Greek.

However, when his mother had attempted to make her son immortal as a child, Achilles was left vulnerable at the part of the body by which she held him, his heel. Therefore, an arrow shot through his heel is what killed him in the end.

Fraternities can learn a lot from this story.

Just as Achilles was the embodiment of what it meant to be Greek, a warrior...a man, you might think your organization is the embodiment of what it means to be Greek too.

Your members may have awesome grades; you may do an outstanding amount of service; you get your paperwork in time; and you recruit in large numbers every semester. You may even win awards from your Greek Life Office, school, and national organization. Sounds like your organization is awesome and I would likely agree.

But then there is this.The drinking.

The Achilles Heal of fraternities.

Sure, you might be the best fraternity on campus. You might be an "all-star" chapter. But one night gone wrong, and bam! Your chapter is forced to close up shop because someone got seriously hurt...or died. Maybe it was just all the jungle juice the RA found. Or the beer pong and use of funnels that they walked in on.

One brother or guest drinks just a little too much and they end up being wheeled to the hospital. The university/or national fraternity decides it is a clear risk management violation and you are facing some trouble.

"But what could I have done?" "He is an adult and can make his own decisions about how much he drinks."

This is where the risk management violation comes is. Yes, once the person was intoxicated you did the right thing and called 911. But why didn't you prevent the situation from happening in the first place? Isn't that where brotherhood comes in? Isn't that accountability? And service?

Once the guy got wheeled onto the stretcher, your fraternity took a hit. If a car was flying down the street towards one of your brothers, would you yell and push him out of the way? Or would you wait for him to get hit and then call 911? In hopes that he's "fine"?

Be proactive and not just reactive.That is brotherhood. That is accountability. That is being Greek.

Alcohol is the Achilles heel of even the best organizations. Don't let one small part of who you are bring you down. Like Achilles, no one is invincible.

Brotherhood through a Camera Lens

2011-09-16T10:44:00.001-04:00

It’s recruitment season and people are hustling around looking to scoop up new guys to join their awesome chapter. It’s during the recruitment season when each chapter on campus is looking for that special trick to recruitment. Unfortunately this post doesn’t have that secret special trick to give you the edge. However I am going to offer a tip to help your branding efforts.

Check out your Facebook page or your website and find your photos. Good memories, right? Well that might be the problem if we can’t convey those awesome memories to other people. Let’s put it this way: a picture speaks a thousand words…but only if we understand the language of our conversation.

A lot of times we take the classic picture of a few guys standing and smiling together during an event or service project. It’s a great picture because it brings back memories of that day. We reflect on what we were doing, the brothers we were with, and the emotions that we felt. It’s like a visual bookmark in time. However, that’s not the same message that potential new dudes get when they see that same picture. They see three guys standing and smiling together and think, “These guys must like each other.”

So if the goal of our Facebook and website pictures is to show what our brotherhood does then we need to show more ACTION. Don’t have static pictures of peoples just standing around for the camera. Show dynamic pictures that show action and emotion. Like I said, not a super recruitment secret just some feedback.

Check it out. I posted the same post twice using two different chapters! Can you spot the difference in the quality of the content? Just to fill you in: both of the chapters are AWESOME! Both groups are grounded in values and do great works in their communities. So why do they seem so different?

Next week we’ll discuss the importance of descriptive photo captions…

Brotherhood through a Camera Lens

2011-09-16T09:55:00.001-04:00

A lot of times we take the classic picture of a few guys standing and smiling together during an event or service project. It’s a great picture because it brings back memories of that day. We reflect on what we were doing, the brothers we were with, and the emotions that we felt. It’s like a visual bookmark in time. However, that’s not the same message that potential new dudes get when they see that same picture. They see three guys standing and smiling together and think, “These guys must like each other.”

So if the goal of our Facebook and website pictures is to show what our brotherhood does then we need to show more ACTION. Don’t have static pictures of peoples just standing around for the camera. Show dynamic pictures that show action and emotion. Like I said, not a super recruitment secret just some feedback.

Check it out. I posted the same post twice using two different chapters! Can you spot the difference in the quality of the content? Just to fill you in: both of the chapters are AWESOME! Both groups are grounded in values and do great works in their communities. So why do they seem so different?

Next week we’ll discuss the importance of descriptive photo captions…

It's That Time of the Year Again...

2011-08-26T11:47:00.000-04:00

No. Not when I decide to finally post again...I mean Fall Recruitment!

Since school is beginning to be underway and I am preparing for my first year at a new institution, I have had several fraternity members either stop by my office, send an email, or call with one question..."When is Rush Week?"

If anyone knows me well, my typical response is "Never. What's that?"

The reason why I answer that way is simple. I am a firm subscriber to the notion that recruitment should be a 365 day-a-year process. 366 days if you're really ambitious. To me, "rush" is an out-of-date term that describes how fraters of the old would rush freshman residence halls and the trains from which they arrived to campus, throw beanies on freshman guys' heads and tell them to join their frat.

Over time, "rush week" became this time period where fraternities would throw bbqs, parties, put fliers up and hope guys would come check out their house.

That is never how you should recruit. You should seek out men and not just invite anyone who wants a free burger to come over. Nor should you "rush" at them. Freshman are scared enough.

If this is not how you recruit, then why are you still calling it "rush"? It's time to change the language.

So when is "Rush Week"? Never. Recruitment Year. Yes.

What is "Fraternity"?

2011-03-22T22:18:00.000-04:00

Fraternity. One of the most common phrases in the Greek world. When you are on the outside looking in you can't understand it, and when you are on the inside you can't explain it to those on the outside. Well I'm going to try to explain it, at least to the best of my ability. I am not promising that I will finally break the box open and give people the words to finally explain it. More than likely what I am going to say has already been said, and maybe some will start to get it and maybe some won't... but here goes nothing.

No one has a perfect life, and no one can hold the weight of the world on their shoulders alone. Everyone has those days were things just aren't okay. Whether it is just the occasional bad day or significant other troubles; life happens. These are the days when your friends are asking you to do something and you just blow it off, because you know the worst you will get is harassed about it next week sometime, then it’s over. When you’re in a fraternity and brotherhood is working properly, these days don't slip by. Brothers notice something is wrong, and they don't let you just hide in your own self pity; they get you out and doing something. They may let you blow it off when they are talking about doing something in front of everyone else, but you can be sure they are at your door later to talk to you alone.

Think about that one Best Friend you have, the one you can tell anything to without being judged. The one who you know will have you back no matter what. The one who can snap you back to reality when you head is in the stars, but can pick you up out of the dirt and have you star gazing again in the same day.

Now think about have 20 best friends like this. Maybe its 60 best friends like this. How much easier would life be if you knew you had that support, and not only just through school but for the rest of your life.
Then add on top of that meeting dozens of older people that can mentor you and have gone through some of the same problems you have gone through; full of advice and always willing to help in any way they can.

A Fraternity when built right (good solid foundations based on morals and social excellence, not hazing, conformity, etc.) is a safety net. Not only are you building relationships with your brothers that are currently in your chapter, but you are provided with the tools to become more socially excellent and continue to meet and build relationships with more and more people. You are meeting and building relationships with people not only your own age, but men older and wiser than you, and also men who are younger and maybe look up to you for guidance. You gain a very broad perspective of things when you reach out to someone for advice and in turn someone reaches out to you for advice too.

Some people refer to their chapter as a safety net; I don't believe this is the best term. A safety net is what catches you right before you hit bottom. A Fraternity should be a safety harness with brothers on each end of the climb. I feel that when you are in a Fraternity you won't fall, you will slip and stumble but you will never fall off the side of the cliff, because you know your brothers are there keeping you at the level you have achieved and pulling on that rope to hoist you back up higher, while even more brothers are above you with arms stretched out to catch your hands to help pull.

Your Brothers are the men who will be standing next to you when you when you get married, they are the jury of your peers when you are not living up to the standards you all agreed to, and they will be the men carrying your casket when you have left this existence.

Once you are on the inside it’s hard to explain it because it seems like you’ve always been there. Honestly most people who ask don't want to hear the logistics, they want to hear what the Fraternity has done for you, and more importantly what the Fraternity can do for them.

At least that’s how I would explain it.

-Rich Winter

Why Alumni Matter

2011-01-26T16:16:00.001-05:00

As an alumnus of my fraternity chapter I no longer attend my undergraduate institution nor do I even live in the same state. I no longer attend weekly meetings, retreats, or service events. I no longer pay dues.

But, I also did not disappear from my chapter altogether.

Today, I am a volunteer for my national organization. I am an alumni advisor for my chapter.What I do offer to my fraternity and my chapter since I have graduated is my experience and feedback. If they wish to take it.

As undergraduate students you should want your alumni to be involved with your chapter. You should wish for a tradition and history that is not limited to four years of college, where alumni, like family, return for annual events and ritual, not just Homecoming. Often, when alumni are involved with a chapter they are members of an alumni advisory board or alumni association. Sometimes these individuals know little about what is actually going on with the chapter or are only called upon when something bad happens. This should not be the case.

As an alumnus, I expect the leaders of my chapter to work regularly with alumni, to recognize the value of knowing what motivates alumni to become engaged in such ways as reading the alumni newsletter, attending events, or giving back to the chapter. Alumni are here to ensure that history and tradition live on. We are here to ensure that the fraternity chapter remains a valued organization to its members and their campus. As alumni we also give back with a check--but that is not what is most important here.

My main point here is that alumni have something to offer to undergraduates. During recruitment how many of your fraternities tried to sell you on the amazing networking opportunities? Why not provide your members with the opportunity to meet alumni in the job market by having an alumni networking event? Alumni are a valuable resource for advice on job hunting and may even help you find a job. Fraternity alumni are known for getting their fraternity brothers' foot in the door. They want to do this for you because you are their brothers and they want to give back to the fraternity--but you have to give them that opportunity.

And how cool would it be to see alumni of many generations return to your school for initiation this Spring? Awesome, right? Alumni from the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and 2000s who all went through the same ritual as you over the span of 50 years and can now share the experience with you.

As an alumnus of my fraternity, I speak on behalf of fraternity and sorority alumni everywhere: Please keep us involved. At least let us know what you are doing as a chapter. We may be busy, have moved away, started a family...but we will always try to be there. We want to be there. So next time you have ritual, invite your alumni. Put together an alumni networking event and invite alumni to volunteer their time to speak. Throw more alumni events for alumni to return and share their stories and spend time with brothers.

Just know we are all brothers/or sisters. No matter when we graduated.

For help writing a quality alumni newsletter, you may also want to read this article by T.J. Sullivan. He provides some excellent advice on how to do it right.

Why College Students Need Fraternities Today More Than Ever

2011-01-20T15:24:00.003-05:00

Today as I grabbed my lunch in one of Rutgers' many dining halls, I roamed the seating area in search for a good seat. Typically, I look for an empty table or a table hosting some of my peers, but today I saw no one and had no preference as to where I sat. I consequently sat at a table where two students were already sitting--something I have done many times in the past. At first the two students looked at me funny, as if it was weird to sit in a public place next to a stranger; but then they continued with their conversation.

As I ate my lunch, I watched across the room to see many college students wander aimlessly in search for an empty table. When I say "many", I mean A LOT. It was so amusing in fact, I watched in hilarity as no student would sit at a table with already occupied strangers. I guess they are eating standing up, I thought.

As one student wandered by me in his quest for the perfect lunch table, I said "hey, you can sit here if you want". He proceeded to look at me funny and said "no thanks" before he continued on his journey. I watched for a few minutes to see if he would find a table, but after a few moments I lost interest.

As I finished my lunch, I sat there pondering why college students today are so afraid to be in the presence of strangers, to think it is weird to sit next to one, and God forbid, actually meet a new person. Are students today more socially awkward than ever before? Or have they always been this way? Either way, I began to think of one thing: social excellence--Something these students clearly do not have.

How do we teach today's young adults to more socially excellent?

My response of course--fraternities.

One of the reasons fraternities exist, whether they actually represent this or not, has always been the teaching of social excellent. Fraternities in theory are supposed to teach an individual to be outgoing, to be a true member of the community, to practice civility and hospitality. These are all qualities that were lacking in the lunch room actors I was viewing.

If there was one argument I would give as to why fraternities are relevant today it is that they will teach a college student to be more socially excellent, to practice those attributes of humanity that have been lacking in our generation.

On the contrary, are our fraternal members really being socially excellent? I am disappointed to say to say I saw a man today wearing letters at a table with several empty seats. Unlike me, he did not ask for anyone else to sit with him at lunch. In fact, he was listening to his iPod. I can't think of anything more socially (un)excellent.

I have three conclusions from today's observations:

1. Today's generation of students need an education and support system to help them become more socially excellent.

2. Fraternities and sororities should be that system...

3. ...But fraternities and sororities need to step up and make that change as well.

For more information on how to bring social excellence into your fraternity or your own life, please check out the Phired Up blog .

7 Important Tips from a Panhellenic President

2011-01-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

by Melissa Reilly, Drexel University

1. Spice Up Your Meetings!
Plan meetings that you would want to be a part of! Don’t just read off of the agenda. I mean, the members of your organization are college students, therefore, know how to read. Invite speakers. Bake cookies for your members. Have great discussions about current events in your community. Take personality tests. Give away prizes. Recognize a chair that made a difference that week. Make sure people leave the meeting without feeling as if their time was wasted.

2. Remain Classy & Fabulous… ALWAYS.
You are the face of this organization. Where many students can just “let themselves go” over the weekend, you my friend, can not. Remember you are always wearing your letters. If you happen to be a council president, you are wearing EVERYONE’S letters. Also, make sure your Facebook is appropriate enough for your grandmother to be your friend (Grandma doesn’t want to see you doing keg stands… sorry!).

3. GET A BLACKBERRY
...Or an iPhone or Droid or any kind of cellular device that you can receive and send emails. You never know when you are going to be laying on the beach in Puerto Rico and need to send out an emergency email about Sorority Recruitment Rules. If not, every time you go to your computer you might have 20 new emails.

4. School Comes First
It probably took me a month to remember that I go to school to learn, to get awesome internships and hopefully land a great job… not just to be the president of the Panhellenic Council. Yes, I would say take classes you know you will be able to handle and try not to take too many night classes since many events/meetings occur in the evening. Make sure you are taking the right classes to graduate on time. Try not to skip class because odds are more classes you skip, the more you probably will have to study. And your professors will probably end up with a negative opinion about your organization.

5. Make Sure You Have “Me Time”
I probably would have not survived this past year without “Me Time”. “Me Time” consist of doing things YOU like to do. Whatever makes you happy. Whether it is going shopping, reading a book, going to happy hour (if you are 21, of course), taking a walk with your dog, hanging out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, visiting your family, eating something, going to the circus, taking a nap, catching up on Glee, or whatever you like to do. This is important to do, so your student organization does not burn you out.

6. Keep Calm & Carry On
Just like everyone’s favorite World War II poster says. These are words that I truly lived by this past year. When something could possibly go wrong, it probably will. Being a leader means you have to be flexible. If something goes wrong, don’t freak out. Just take a breath, grab a coffee, think about your options and then go with it. You can get more done when you are calm and people will think you are a pleasant person. This doesn’t mean that you cannot freak out behind closed doors every once in awhile. But try not to do it in public! This is also a great reminder to have as your Blackberry wallpaper or a poster hanging in your bedroom.

7. Make sure you find someone who will be able to take your place the following year – Find someone who displays great leadership qualities early in the year. Someone who is motivated and has plans to do big things. You don’t want to hand off your position to someone who will just drop the ball and ruin everything you had put your heart and soul into. Oops, forgot to do that one this year… I guess that’s why I’m going to be Panhellenic President for a 2^nd term.

Melissa Reilly is a 4 out of 5 year Communication major at Drexel University. She just started her 2^nd term as Panhellenic President. She is also one of my favorite Greek women! Thanks Melissa for the excellent advice!

Making Ritual Relevant

2010-12-14T21:45:00.002-05:00

About a week ago I posted a blog about taking what you learned at convention and sharing it with your organization. Thinking about that this week I realized that after attending the AFA Annual Meeting (Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors) I have yet to share with you what I learned in my experience. Consequently, I will share with you one of the programs I attended right now! Hopefully in the next couple weeks I can share with you some more as well. So here goes nothing!

When it comes to being in a fraternal organization, nothing is more sacred than one's ritual. Ritual is what makes an organization stand apart from other organizations; it is what a fraternal organization stands for. Unfortunately, we do not treat it as such. In fact, most of us are very secretive about our ritual. But why?

When I saw a presentation entitled "The Blueprint for Making Ritual Relevant Again" by Scott Clark (University of Central Florida) and Rachel Marsh (College of Charleston), I knew I could not miss it. They stated that in order to advance the fraternal movement, we need to bring ritual back to the forefront.

The question I want to ask you is the question Scott and Rachel started their presentation with--what is your ritual? Take out a piece of paper and a pen. Explain your ritual. If you are like me, you probably wrote one sentence and then had great difficulty trying to explain your organization's ritual. Why is this so difficult?

I bet that many of you are in organizations that probably look at your ritual only twice a year when you have initiation or other ceremonies. Am I right or am I right?

Let's compare ritual to what you do in the morning. When you wake up each morning you probably do the same thing, go through the same routine--shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, have breakfast--you have a daily ritual. If ritual means going through this continuous process of a daily routine--because you value hygiene and health, why is our fraternal values not held to the same standard? Why is our fraternal ritual not a part of our daily lives?

So here are some suggestions I learned from the presentation:
1. Play ritual jenga--Have jenga blocks set up. Every time a brother does something your ritual would not support, you move a block. This should lead you to conversations about your ritual and your values.

2. Ritual Facebook page--why not create a Facebook page or Twitter account for your chapter entirely for the purpose of speaking about your ritual and how each of your members supports it. When a brother/sister does something reflective of your ritual, put it on the Facebook wall and let everyone know!

3. Have a Ritual Week in your chapter. Have discussions, put on a program, practice the actual ritual. Give a ritual award to a member that exemplifies the ritual in their everyday lives.

I am glad to share with you what I learned and now hope you all do your part to make sure ritual is a focus in your fraternal organizations.

Teaching the Chapter What You Learned at Convention

2010-12-07T23:22:00.001-05:00

So, you’ve just returned from convention, or that leadership academy your national organization does each year. You learned a lot of great information that you can take back to your chapter. You A) are super excited to bring this knowledge to the rest of your membership or B) forget about it and stick your binder full of resources under your bed, not to see it again until move-out day. Unfortunately I have seen a lot of B, but hopefully you answered with A. And if you did, I have some advice. (If you answered B then see my article on apathy).

Your first concern is probably that you have all this new knowledge and don’t know where to begin. Another concern is probably that you have all these great ideas that can turn around your chapter, but you think your membership will not respond well to change. You also may think there is no way that what you learned would work with your chapter.

I am here to tell you that everyone has these concerns, but they should not stop you—so don’t let them! First, consider your organization’s culture. Does your organization require you to report to the organization what you learned when returning from a fraternal-related conference? If not, maybe you should anyway. One of the best ways to propose an idea is to just present it and see how others react. Chances are there are others who will think they are also great ideas.

So once you have returned from the conference, sit down with your executive board and present the ideas that you think would be good for your organization. Stand behind what you say if you believe in it. If you believe in it, then I promise others will too. It is doubtful that in any organization there is not one other person who would agree with you.

At this point you and the executive board should decide on how to present the information to the organization. Considering you are the one that went, you are the best person for the job. So let your organization what you learned, what great ideas the organization should consider, and even why you think something you learned there could work within your organization.

The worst thing you can do is to not share the knowledge you acquired.

“The only irreplaceable capital an organization possesses is the knowledge and ability of its people. The productivity of that capital depends on how effectively people share their competence with those who can use it.” –Andrew Carnegie

Finding a Chapter Adviser

2010-12-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

For those organizations looking for an adviser there is much to think about. You must first consider why you want an adviser. Is it mandated by policies of your school and organization? Or do you genuinely want someone on the outside to help guide you in your decision making and goal setting? Your reason for doing anything can affect the outcome substantially.

Now you must consider what type of adviser you are looking for—do you need a general adviser? Or perhaps a programming adviser? Or even an academic adviser to help support in your commitment to learning and good grades? Depending on what type of adviser you are actually looking for, the characteristics of that ideal adviser may be different.

So what are those characteristics? In general, you must narrow it down to individuals who you believe would fit the organization. Would this individual support the values and goals of your organization? What could they bring to the organization? If nothing else, they may bring a fresh perspective. This is an essential quality of any adviser. If you have an adviser who does not communicate with your membership, what is their purpose?

So you have a few names in mind of individuals who your organization may ask to be an adviser. It is time to think more deeply about the realities of who they are. Many individuals simply do not have the time. Others want nothing to do with fraternal organizations (they don’t know what they’re missing). How do you know though? Ask!

If there is a person your organization really wants as your adviser, have an executive board member or two meet with the individual. Schedule a meeting with them and ask them if they would consider the position. If they turn you down—well that is the worst that can happen!

Make sure you tell them your expectations of the position. Ask them the right questions. Provide them the opportunity to ask you questions. Will they have the time? Would they be interested in being inducted into the organization?

Finding the right advisers for your organization can be just as difficult as finding the right undergraduate members for your organization. It should be a thoughtful process. And you might find later that the person who takes the position was not the best choice. You move on and try again.

If I have any advice for you as members of the undergraduate fraternal community it is to make sure you are living up to your values as well as being socially excellent individuals. If you are, then finding an adviser should not be too difficult. Good luck!

Be the Change You Want to See

2010-11-08T15:20:00.006-05:00

by Richard Winter, Lock Haven University Graduate Student

Many people are curious as to how to make changes within their chapters. Rightly so, because many people aren’t willing to personally sacrifice to make the changes they want to see. In almost every case change is going to work from the inside out. You need to be the change you want to see in your chapter. If you start to be what you want to see, others will start to emulate you.

Look at the Greek Letter Phi –

Phi is represented by the letter I with the letter O around it. Now we will break it down. The letter I represent’s for Individual and the O for Organization.

The Individual exists within the Organization; it is safe to say that the Organization encompasses a majority of the Individual. Who you are is directly affected by who you hang out with. When you join an Organization you tend to act in ways that other members of the Organization act or you live the Organization’s values. This doesn’t mean that you are in a cult where you all have the same haircuts, wear the same clothes, speak the same way, or go everywhere together. It is simple group dynamics that you will take on characteristics of the group.

This is the important part. Notice that the some of the Individual exists outside of the organization. This is the part that makes you who you are. This is the part that is brought to the table when people wonder what it is that you are contributing to the group. It is in this part that the change must occur.

Let us look at something simple, you want the members of your organization to stop swearing like sailors. The problem has been address in meetings and through one on ones with several members, but nothing is helping. This is the time where you need to step up to be the bigger man. The change you want to see needs to start in you, not in the group as a whole.

On a personal level you need to make the sacrifice and stop swearing. This doesn’t mean that you stop swearing in public, this means that you make a conscious effort to stop swearing altogether. You set this personal goal for yourself, but you need to make it known to your Organization. As your goal comes to fruition, other members of your Organization will take notice. Now it goes back to group dynamics. If people see you taking the step to rectify a problem on your own personal accord, they will start to do the same.

Change is a slow process, one week of not swearing is going to cure the chapter of potty mouth, but it may cure one or two more brothers. Eventually over time the problem will be resolved as more and more brothers feel a kind of alienation that they are swearing and the rest of the brothers are not.

It comes down to one simple question: Are you willing to make a personal change so the group can change?

Now apply this to your chapter’s problems: recruitment, apathy, internal conflict, etc. When you think about what can be improved in your chapter, are there things that you could be doing to help change? Are you making sure you are recruiting year round so that others are as well? Are you staying involved as you can despite the fact that you have five classes, three other organizations, and preparing to graduate? Are you personally seeking out the brothers you have conflicts with to talk to them and sort out any hurt feelings or misconceptions? Once you start to make the changes on a personal level brothers will start to catch on. Maybe after a week only one brother notices, but he will start talking to other brothers. Soon the entire chapter will realized that you are making the change and they will start to follow suit.

Fraternities, Stereotyping & Comic Strips

2010-09-29T16:09:00.009-04:00

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I remember being asked that in elementary school and watching how the other kids responded. I heard my classmates say that they wanted be astronauts, and fireman, doctors, nurses, singers or Army men. Not me, I wanted to be a cartoonist. Yup, I wanted to draw comic strips for the newspaper. I would get cartooning books from the library and I couldn’t wait for Sunday, because that’s when four pages were devoted to comic strips and all of them were in color. As I grew older I started taking cartooning classes offered at the local library… and that’s when my doodling skills really started to improve. One of the most interesting concepts I learned from these classes was that of stereotyping. We were taught to think of general stereotypes in order to make our characters. For instance in order to make Dilbert look corporate all he needs is a tie, in order to show that Jeremy in Zits is a teenager he is almost always slouching and wearing dirty baggy clothes, and Beetle bailey is always wearing a green uniform so that readers know that he’s a soldier. Now we all know that not all office workers wear ties, and we know that not every teenager slouches. By using stereotypical elements the cartoonist communicates to the readers without having to say, “This is Beetle Bailey and he is in the army.” After all, the cartoonist only has three boxes to make his point and every detail and word have to count.

I hear quite a bit how we, as fraternity men, are stereotyped. We do beer bongs and play pong. We wear cargo shorts, popped collar polos and backwards hats. We say things like “dude’ and “bro.” We all paddle and haze each other. We like to TOGA TOGA TOGA. We get poor grades, roofie chicks and smoke a lot of pot. We like to fight each other and are either meatheads or have beer guts.

And who stereotypes us? The locals and townies that are paranoid about us and think that we are ruining their town. The police who target us as being the trouble makers and are constantly checking on us. The Greek Life Office who facebook stalk us to look for the things we do wrong. Our own alumni who want to relive their golden years and who are trying to control chapter operations. The university president and administration who hate Greek life, never supports us and is always looking for a reason to shut us down. The professors who see us wearing our letters in class and deem that we are dumb compared to our peers and of course half of the student body view us as drunks who buy friends…

Stereotyping is a two way street and we need to change it.

I will offer 3 suggestions to close down this street.

1. Check your perceptions
We as fraternity men tend to seclude ourselves in a small social bubble. Go out and meet your university president. Share small talk with your police officers and residents of your town. Get to know your campus administrators and Greek Life office, they are there to support you.

2. Collaborate with others.
Bring a police officer to one of your meetings to talk about how they interact with fraternities or students in general. Ask them what brings them to a party and what you should know about being safe. Get to know your University President to find how Greek Life fits into his goals and how your chapter can help. Meet with your town’s city council to find out ways your can better interact with your neighbors. You could adopt neighbor that needs help removing snow from their driveways. On campus you can support resident assistants with their programming efforts.

3. Own your image
Rather than being lumped into the stereotype ask your chapter, “How can we manage our own reputation?” Find ways to broadcast your accomplishments. Show your worth and your values. Educate the people that have no clue about the benefits of a fraternity experience. And most of all, don’t give them a reason for your chapter to be stereotyped. Fix your grades, change your social scene, and clean up the yard. Do whatever you need to do so that people don’t see you as the typical Frat Boys.

Cartoonists only have three or four boxes to make their point. They use iconic/ stereotypical symbols to lead the reader. For instance all a cartoon police officer needs is a black stick, blue uniform, a whistle and a silver badge. With those four symbols we know exaclty what that character is supposed to be. The same is for fraternity men, what iconic stereo types do we convey. Are we seen drinking, fighting, wearing letters? Manage the messages you send out.

Good news though, you have more than three boxes to convey a point, you and your chapter have a million opportunities to show what the point of a fraternity is. You can change the way you are perceived, and you can change the way you perceive others. If you have more suggestions on changing the two way street of stereotyping please offer your suggestions below.

Oh, and I still want to be a cartoonist someday.

Fishing Lessons

2010-09-27T09:17:00.000-04:00

The school year just started and I’m already starting to miss the summer. Lately I’ve been reminiscing about the fish I didn’t catch. I wouldn’t consider myself an angler. That would be saying too much. I’d call myself…a mediocre worm dunker. Anyway, I can’t help but love the feeling of sitting alongside a pond and enjoying the sunshine and peacefulness. Of course when there is a bite, the serenity is out the window, replaced with an adrenaline rush and me feeling like Rambo.

I’m at the point now that I’m starting to explore some new fishing styles, so I decided to pick up fly fishing. Well that’s been a disaster. It involves technique and coordination. Neither of which I have. So I decided to check out the one place where you can learn anything. Youtube.

I started to search for fishing videos and what do I come across NOODLING.

Apparently there are some people, who love fishing SO much, that they will get into the water and grab catfish out of underwater holes. My first thought was, “These guys are nuts.” That changed when the guy lifts a sixty pound catfish out of the water. Now I was thinking, “Man, the biggest fish I’ve ever caught was just a snack for that beast.”

All this time I’ve been sitting on the shore hoping that a fish would bite. I’ll wait for hours without a nibble, and sometimes get nothing. But these guys don’t wait, or waste money on bait. They jump into the fish’s environment and they don’t play the guessing game of wondering if it’s going to be a small one or big one. Do they settle? Nope, and neither should you.

When it comes to recruitment don’t let your chapter offer bait and wait. Don’t sit idly by hoping someone will come to your chapter’s event. Don’t sit on the shore with all the other organizations. Go to where the students are and get the best guys out there. Carpe Diem! Seize the day…or be like this guy and seize the carp.

Happy Fishing

Hazing Myths Part 4: Hazing Builds Respect and Character

2010-09-23T07:43:00.002-04:00

Hazing is about power and control, not respect and character. If you are hazing others than you have weak character and are not gaining respect, but growing animosity. Would you respect your new member educator if he yelled in your face, made you run around the house in your underwear and then paddled you? Probably not.

If I asked a hazing supporter about the notion of building respect they would probably respond with examples like forcing the new members to clean the house—not so harmful, but still considered hazing. Cleaning the house is almost the “go to response” because they know people like me might actually say “well that’s not so bad”—and that’s honestly true. What concerns me is that this is only a “go to response” and they are probably doing activities much worse than forcing some guys to clean.

They would probably argue that it also builds and tests their character. It sure does and I will tell you why—

If they try and haze you and you stand up for yourself and say no, that is strong character.

If you go through the hazing and succumb to peer pressure, do it to fit in, to earn membership in the organization, or fearing you will look weak, guess what—you are weak in character. No one with strong character would let someone control them or do stupid activities to get membership into an organization. Do you need the organization in your life that much? Shouldn’t they be giving back to you and making you feel like they need you?

Ask yourself a few questions…

Would you really have respect for someone who just made you do pointless, stupid, humiliating, or even harmful activities for six weeks?

Would you have respect for an organization that supported this?

Wouldn’t strong character mean being able to gain respect without doing the above?

Wouldn’t strong character mean saying NO when someone asks/tells you to do a pointless activity for their amusement?

Make sure you ask yourself these questions before you begin your new member education process. You will see it is not worth it to haze or be hazed.

Why is Hazing So Hazy?

2010-09-22T10:19:00.006-04:00

by guest blogger Richard Winter

One of the biggest arguments I hear when it comes to hazing is, “anything can be considered hazing so are we just not supposed to do anything, or take the risk?” While even the idea of this statement makes me cringe I think it is a good idea to clear this up a bit. Hazing is not as unclear as everyone seems to think, people just don’t want to take the time to figure it out.

Legally hazing is defined as;

“an abusive, often humiliating form of initiation into of affiliation with a group, including:

1. Any willful action taken or situation created which recklessly or intentionally endangers the mental or physical health of another.

2. Any willful act by any person alone or acting with others in striking, beating, bruising, or maiming; or seriously offering, threatening, or attempting to strike, beat, bruise or maim, or to do or seriously offer, threaten, or attempt to do physical violence to another made for the purpose of committing any of the acts.

The term hazing does not include customary athletic events or similar contests or competitions, and is limited to those actions taken and situations created in connection with initiation into or affiliation with any organization. The term hazing does not include corporal punishment administered by officials or employees of public organizations when in accordance with policies adopted by their respective organizations.”
(Source: http://definitions.uslegal.com/h/hazing/)

Provided with a legal definition many of you are probably still asking yourself, “Well what does that mean?” Let’s break it down.

What is Hazing:
• Abusive and often humiliating form of initiation
• Any willful act of striking, beating, bruising, or maiming
• Any serious offer, threat, or attempt of the above
• Any serious offer, threat, or attempt to use physical violence to another to coerce someone to do something

From this point you should have a clear idea about what hazing actually entails. So that Easter Egg hunt you wanted to have, where brothers and new members are paired up to see who can college the most eggs while running a three legged race, does not really fall into any of the aforementioned bullets.

When it comes down to it there are simple questions you can ask yourself if the event is hazing or not:

1. Is there any use of alcohol involved?
2. Will current members refuse to participate in the activity with the new members and do exactly what they are being asked to do?
3. Does the activity risk physical or emotional abuse?
4. Is there a risk of injury or a question of safety?
5. Do you have any reservations describing the activity to your parents, to a professor, or to University officials?
6. Would you object to the activity being photographed for the local paper or filmed by the local TV news crew?
(Source: http://www.stophazing.org/mythsandfacts.html)

If you answer “Yes” to any of the above questions then the activity can be considered hazing in some form. Even if you answer “No” to all the above questions but are still unsure about the activity then best practice is not to do it.

I hope this cleared some the haze that seems to plague people when dealing with this issue. If this doesn’t cut it, there are resources available to you through your national organization and online. Take the time to call your headquarters or do some googling and hopefully you will find the answers you are looking for. I wish you all a safe and successful recruitment and new member education process this year.

-Rich Winter, Lock Haven University

Hazing Myths Part 3: Hazing Cultivates Pride

2010-09-22T10:07:00.002-04:00

The pride argument has always been difficult for me to understand. When speaking to those who are pro-hazing on “pride”, their argument usually centers on the fact that you cannot have full pride without a little pain.

When making comparisons I could not help but to think of American pride. Does one have to go fight for our country and perhaps get injured in battle in order to experience true pride in being American? I believe I am a proud American after all…but I have never experienced pain for my country.

While I can argue that many soldiers returning home have more American pride than anyone I have met, I also cannot see this as a viable comparison for hazing in a fraternity. When you haze or get hazed you are not doing it for your fraternity’s existence or growth. In fact you are doing quite the opposite. Fraternity is about personal and professional development, not regression. Hazing does not make you a better person. It does not teach you how to be a professional, a student, or a brother to those you made a pledge to. If your fraternity gets caught hazing you’d be booted off campus in a heartbeat.

The other way I see it is if you are trying to cultivate pride does that mean you are proud to humiliate or even harm your brothers? I would hope not.

If you want to cultivate pride, pride yourselves in being a fraternity that does not haze.

Hazing Myths Part 2: It's a Tradition!

2010-09-21T07:56:00.002-04:00

…This is going to be a short one.

Really? There are a lot of traditions in every culture that have changed or need changing. Change is a good thing. If you do not believe me, let’s duel over it. No wait, that’s a tradition that no longer exists because it was harmful to people and may lead to deaths.

Sounds familiar.

I would also like to question the fact that it is tradition in your fraternity to use such hazing practices. I almost guarantee that most, if not all of them, started no more than a few years ago. It’s not like they were passed down for a hundred years. So get over it.

You must also consider the notion that your fraternity’s traditions consist of humiliating its members. How is that a positive tradition?

When fraternities were originally founded, their goal was to build brotherhood. They didn't use hazing to accomplish that goal.

If you want a tradition to hold onto, it’s called brotherhood.

Hazing Myths Part 1: Hazing Brings People Together

2010-09-20T15:47:00.003-04:00

In honor of National Hazing Prevention Week I have decided to take one myth about hazing each day this week and debunk them! I hope you enjoy them!

The first myth of hazing is that it brings the group together. While I know there are many individuals who may argue this is no myth, I argue that even though any shared experience may bring people together, there are countless more beneficial alternatives.

Let’s first analyze the group dynamic of the new member class. While you may be experiencing something challenging together, typically the only thing actually being challenged is your self esteem and character. Do you really want to do something humiliating, dangerous or just plain stupid in order to join a group? Why would you want to be paddled, drink to the point of hospitalization, or walk through campus naked in order to join a fraternity? That doesn’t create unity…that just makes each of you look stupid—just stupid together.

Now let’s look at the relationship between the current brothers and the new members. Fraternity and brotherhood is about trust. How can trust be established when you are forcing someone to do something humiliating or harmful? They are never going to trust you after that! And if they say they do they are lying!

…Actually, you are right—hazing does create trust—because I have read about countless hazing deaths that must have happened because the ‘hazee’ trusted the’ hazer’. Apparently trust can mean watching you get hurt, sick, or even die. What kind of trust is that? Mistrust.

The point is alternative new member education practices create group unity to a far greater extent than one that fosters mistrust between brothers and new members.

If you want to create unity and bring the group together, have brotherhood activities where you enjoy doing things together—like watching the game, playing intramurals, do team building activities like a ropes course, or do a project together.

The bottom line: Hazing does not bring the group together; it just creates separation and animosity between member classes.

How Inclusive is Your Fraternity?

2010-09-16T14:00:00.000-04:00

What does a fraternity need to do to be inclusive? Inclusive by definition is to be all-embracing, holistic, integral, and universal. Therefore, a fraternity that is inclusive needs to embrace diversity. An inclusive organization welcomes potential new members of different interests and backgrounds. An inclusive organization provides anyone and everyone the opportunity to actively seek information about the organization and have equal opportunity to be considered in becoming a member.

There are multiple layers of inclusion. A fraternity can invite numerous people from different walks of life to their recruitment events with the guise of being inclusive, but if the people they actually initiate are cookie-cutter, they may want to analyze their decision-making in memberships. Organizations should be intentional and thoughtful when giving bids to potential new members. They should want to progress as an organization, but this does not come with recruiting the same men year after year.

The first question you must ask yourself is whether your organization is embracing diversity in its membership. Diversity within your membership allows for challenge and debate. It allows for people of different perspectives to be called upon for checks and balances, fresh ideas and growth.

If you so embrace diversity and want to be inclusive, you must reflect this in your recruitment practices. You must seek out the best men on your campus with the intention of not recruiting the “same old guys”. Whether he is a football player, member of the chess team, a Trekkie or a die-hard video-gamer, if he embodies your values—that is all that matters.

Another example is a fraternity who focuses on recruiting the traditional freshman. They may be missing out on the maturity and leadership of a non-traditional Iraq-returning student.

What if a potential member is gay? If your membership uses gay slurs and makes offensive comments about homosexuality, then a gay man might not want to join your organization.

What about political diversity? The fraternity hosting an event with Campus Republicans sends the wrong message to liberal students...And having posters of Obama all over the house is not too welcoming for a staunch conservative, I'll tell ya that!

When planning recruitment events, make sure they are inclusive in the sense that they are welcoming to all people and give them the ability to participate. If the one event you have is a football game and there is a potential recruit with a disability who cannot participate, you may leave him feeling left out.

So as you plan your school year and reflect on your fraternities values and how you do recruitment, please think about these things. Be inclusive. Use thoughtful consideration in who you give membership to. You could be missing out on recruiting some of the best men on your campus.

Pledge

2010-09-15T13:53:00.001-04:00

A few days ago I left you discussing the terminology we use with new member education. Hopefully if you are an undergrad or advise undergraduates you have or will start a discussion with the fraternity regarding this issue. Criticism to my discussion centered around the idea that what we do defines our process, not the name of the process--so why should it matter whether we call it pledging v. new member education?

Perception. Perception. Perception. I'll just leave it with that.

To continue this idea I wanted to address calling new members pledges. This is less common these days than using pledging, but it still exists. Calling a potential new member "pledge" is derogatory, making them seem as if they are lower than yourself. I would argue that if you are using the term it is for the simple fact that you wish power over them. That is not brotherhood. Don't they have a name?

So what if we are speaking about a new pledge class or pledges?

"The pledges are coming over for brotherhood night."

"John is a new pledge."

"Our new pledge class is awesome."

These seem innocent enough...

This is where the discussion gets interesting. My opinion is that we eliminate these negative connotations and perceptions by ending the use of any form of the term pledge--pledges, pledge class, etc. Let's just make it easier for ourselves. Why not? As I argued in the last post, new member education just sounds more formal and professional. As fraternal organizations, is that not what we want?

So let me ask you. What is your opinion? Please leave comments!!

It's Time to Move Away from Pledging and Toward New Member Education

2010-09-14T07:58:00.002-04:00

There is an ongoing battle between the use of the word "pledging" vs. the use of "new member education". Yes pledging is easier to say. New member education sounds more proper and professional. Many people use the two interchangeably. Others argue they represent two different things.

I am here to argue the latter.

The term pledging has its roots it the deferred recruitment processes that still manage to inhabit many college campuses. As a professional in the fraternal world, my argument lies with the NIC stance and has always been against deferred recruitment (but that's a whole other blog). That being said, pledging was a term that meant one was pledging themselves (during their first semester as a freshman) to join a certain fraternity when the time came that they were allowed.

Today, pledging is used on college campuses without deferred recruitment though. So why is that? My response: fraternity men simply do not know their vocabulary and/or it sounds cooler to say.

Typically when I tell fraternity men to think about switching over to the terms new member education I can see in their facial expression that they think my argument is silly. They see no negative consequence to using such a term nor do they want to put an energy in to do so.

But pledging has a negative connotation. There's no argument here. Countless Hollywood films like Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds used the word pledging and associated it with humiliating hazing practices and "Hell Weeks". Just to perpetuate that stereotype of hazing, countless fraternities actually participate in the same type of activities each year. People I meet everyday ask me "what did you have to go through when you were pledging?" Really?!

My response: Nothing.

Men, please do not become a fraternity stereotype. It is time to take back the word "fraternity" and make it our own again.

So why New Member Education?

New member education should be an educational process in which new members learn the history of the chapter, the organization, and fraternal life at their school. New member education should be a process for introducing new members to the values and traditions of the organization. New member education should actively involve the new members into the fraternity and give them leadership opportunities.

What New Member Education is not, is a time for potential new members to prove themselves. If you handed them a bid, they should have already proved themselves. Why else did you give them a bid? Doing this will also ensure you only give bids to those who you definitely want into your brotherhood.

But it is not enough to change the words we use.

Simply changing the terminology you use won't change what your new member process is. If you are hazing during your new member education process, you are just bringing the negative connotations to this term as well. So what was the point of changing it? You need to change the overall culture.

It is time to stop pledging members and welcome in New Member Education.

Your Campus Image

2010-09-08T10:36:00.003-04:00

Image. These days its more important than ever. Some of us have the attitude that we can do what we want and just live our lives--and if people don't like it, well screw em! While I would like to think I do this myself, being the eccentric individual I am, thinking about it makes me realize how this could not be further from the truth. When I decide what I wear in the morning it is based on who will see me that day. When I speak I choose the language I use dependent on the audience. My actions are reflective of who is around me. With my friends I may act a little silly and I allow my immaturity to come out, but when I am in public, at school or at work, I am conscientious of the impression I give to people about who I am.

But a part of who I am is a fraternity man. I am representing my fraternity everywhere I go, with everything I say, and every way I act. If I do something good, it reflects well on my fraternity...but if I do something with poor judgment, it also reflects back on my fraternity.

When you joined your fraternity or sorority you made a commitment to uphold the values of your organization. If there is one thing an ideal fraternal organization should have, it is integrity. Do your members uphold the values that your organization says you represent? Or do you spout these values during rush events and display them on your website without little though of what they actually mean?

The school year has just begin and I am sure you are all out there recruiting new members for the year. I have seen countless fraternity fliers around campus with images of women,with flashy designs, and rush events listed. Fraternity men, I find it funny that the images on your flier are not even of you--nor do I believe the beautiful women I see on the flier have even ever met you. Google images is good for that.

So why are we doing this?

Back to campus image. If I were to ask a professor, a professional staff member, a student, a campus public safety officer about your fraternity, would they all tell me the same thing? Would it be positive? Those are the questions I would be asking yourself right about now.

If you say your are a fraternity of gentlemen, you have to act like it. More importantly, you have to have people believe it. Perception is everything. There is a difference between telling people who you are and actually showing them who you are.

The best way to recruit for your organization is to show potential new members who you are. Telling them you do the most service on campus is different than actually doing it. And if you say you are the "frat that parties the hardest" I... a) hope its actually true for integrity's sake, and b) wish you good luck because you probably won't last long as an organization.

Men want to join fraternities that will give back to them--they can use to grow academically...they can use to grow professionally...they can use to network for jobs. If you're fraternity is about partying, I am sure those around campus already know that....regardless of what you say during rush week.

The worst stories are when I hear of a new fraternity member who says that he joined because of all the excellent programs and values the fraternity represented and then realizes they pulled the wool over his eyes.

If you want the best members...the right members, make sure you are actively representing your values. No one likes a liar. But everyone loves a man of integrity.

Good luck recruiting.

"Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do." - Don Galer

Everyday Brotherhood Opportunities

2010-07-02T10:32:00.009-04:00

All right Brotherhood chairman, this post is for you.

I think you have one of the toughest jobs in the organization. You are expected to deliver the feeling of brotherhood and camaraderie, and are tasked to hold weekly or monthly events in order to create that feeling.

That's a lot of pressure.

Then when you have events...members complain. They complain that they are too busy. They complain that the events don't pertain to their interests. They simply complain. Then what's the solution tasked to you by the chapter? "Have more, BETTER events!"

Well I'm going to tell you to stop. Yes, that's right. Stop.

Stop putting effort into a failing Brother Bingo. Stop getting frustrated when Ultimate Uno night doesn't work out. Stop adding more things to your overly packed chapter calendar. You're job is to be the brotherhood chairman, not the internal events chairman. When we boil it down, your job is to foster the environment in which brotherhood can strive.

So let's talk about how we can foster that environment.

It's a lot easier to focus on the daily opportunities for brotherhood growth, rather than planning a weekly event that you hope people will show up to. We need to to identify ways we can incorporate our brothers into our daily lives and routines. This is my suggestion:

If you have a chapter house, get a white board. Hang it in the hallway and encourage your brothers to write their daily happenings. Examples:

"Going to the gym @ 5pm!"

-Jay

"Grabbing a pizza at Mario's, 2 for 1!!! Hit the Cell"

-Sean

"Studying tonight in the library. 3rd floor"

-Drake

By encouraging people to participate in each other's daily lives puts the responsibility of brotherhood in the hands of the members. It also helps build the chapter mindset that brotherhood is not built through weekly events, but by being part of each others lives. Your efforts will change from event planning to encouraging relationships.

Now, if you don't have a chapter house...make a private facebook group and use the wall. Try it out, change and adapt the idea for your chapter and don't be afraid to fail.

The Importance of Being a Big

2010-06-30T16:20:00.006-04:00

Having a “big” or “big brother” in your fraternity is one of the most important and special relationships you have in your fraternity. Your big acts as your mentor, someone to help guide you, someone to watch over you and someone to go to for advice.

I decided to write about bigs this week because of my own experience as one. In fact, my little just returned from a semester abroad and thinking about how proud I was to be his big also reminded me how bad I did as one as well. I’m just being honest. When he began his new member education process I asked to be his big and received that honor, but this was without asking myself if I could be responsible for such a task. Now, I don’t look at being a big as a job, but it is a lot of responsibility. I already stated the job description above.

First and foremost though, as a big brother you are a friend. And I don’t think I was even a good friend. Now the reason why I say I did such a horrible job as a big brother was because I just was not around. And that’s the worst thing I could have done. There was a good reason for it of course—I was student teaching… and anyone who has done that knows how that is. I didn’t have a spare moment to eat, let alone make it to campus to drop in on my little brother.

But that is where I went wrong. Maybe the right thing to do was not take a little brother to begin with. I think I owed it to him to not be his big in that regard. And for that, I will always feel guilty.

I just wish I could have been around to hangout, watch TV, jam together, eat together, anything…but we just didn’t do enough of that.

So what characteristics does a great big brother possess? I just have to look to my own. He was there for me, as one of my best friends, he still is. In fact, the guy will most definitely be in my wedding someday. Start planning the bachelor party bud.

A big brother should stick up for you when your commitment is questioned, or question you when he knows your commitment is lacking. A big brother should tell you to go study for your exam when you would rather go out. A big brother should pick you up when you are down and hold you up when you’ve accomplished something great.

Together with your big and your little you are a family. Your little will have a little and so on. And families have traditions. A big should carry on and teach those traditions. But traditions can’t be passed on if you aren’t there to pass them.

So don’t do what I did. Be there for your little. Be his friend and his mentor. Just be there to “hang out”. Give him a call. See how he is doing. And hopefully one day you might be the one planning his bachelor party.

Get to it man.

Be Excellent to Each Other: Part 2

2010-06-28T18:13:00.000-04:00

While I was attending college in my pre-fraternal days I had many friends ask me why I had not joined a fraternity. They joked about how involved I was in school and how joining a fraternity was probably my last notch in doing a little of everything. While this was true, fraternities never interested me. But the reason why I bring this up is because of this idea of "social excellence". The bottom line is I was never asked. Legitimately. I mean, there were plenty of times when my friend said "hey come to the house, check it out", but that couldn't be anymore passive. I mean, did he really want me to join? Not enough I guess, because he never sat down with me and tried to really convince me.

Social excellence means you are comfortable talking one on one and being an effective enough conversationalist to say "Joe, XYZ is interested in you. This is why we need you... This is what we can offer you..."

I decided to give social excellence two parts this week for one reason: It REALLY needs to be a conversation. No pun there.

When was the last time you stood with a random group of strangers and just started a conversation? While many people might view this as weird. I mean, who starts a random conversation with a stranger on the train. I do, that's who! Why not?! Life is short. Meeting new people is what being in a fraternal organization is all about. Stop living in a bubble people!

"Social fraternity" was so named for their support of the social advancement of their members. Let's start acting like it.

Be Excellent to Each Other: Part 1

2010-06-25T16:27:00.003-04:00

Social Excellence [n]: A state of perpetual generosity, curiosity, positivity, and openness to limitless possibility. A desire to intentionally connect with others. The ability to engage in deep, meaningful conversation. Acting in a responsible and respectable manner, with high expectations of others. Being confident and vulnerable. Being fun and compassionate. Being open, kind and bold.

Fraternities call themselves social organizations, but what does that really mean? That we hold social events? Parties? Flag Football? Barbecues? Those are all social right?

Well yeah…

But are we representing social excellence? My response is no, we’re not. And if we think we are, we probably still have plenty of room for growth. This is why:

“Fraternities have created an environment of social reclusiveness under the guise of selectivity or elitism”. These are the words expressed recently in an article by Phired Up. And we all know it is true. While this might not describe your organization, it is representative of many others. Fraternities are selective of their members—outsiders see this as elitist. Fraternities hold many events where it is all or mostly members, they see you always together, walking across campus, in the dining hall, etc.—outsiders see you as a clique who can’t befriend anyone outside of your group. There is plenty more of these examples, but how other people perceive us is not the bottom line here. But it is important.

The bottom line here is maybe they are a little right. As fraternities why are we not trying harder to educate our members in social excellence? Making meaningful connections with more people outside of our brotherhood? Many of our brothers lack the skills and attitude necessary to engage others. Yes, they were able to engage us enough to become a brother, but could they engage in a deep, meaningful conversation with a member of another organization they never met before? Or a professor? A classroom full of students? It is time to prepare them. This is what being a fraternity is all about.

While we’re at it, social excellence helps with something vital to the organization—recruitment.

How amazing would your recruitment efforts go if you had brothers who could go up to a random group of men and genuinely engage them in a conversation… so that when they walked away they would have each one of those men at least interested in meeting a few brothers? Enough said.

I will leave you with this…

Fraternities should be preparing men to be the best they can be when it comes time to leave school and join the workforce. And nothing is more important in the real world than being able to engage someone in a conversation.

Be excellent to each other.

New Members in Leadership Positions

2010-06-17T20:12:00.003-04:00

How many of you held a leadership position or was Chair of a committee your first semester after initiation? Maybe you were even thrown into a Chair position while you were going through new member education…

What I am here to argue today is that why do we not encourage our new members to do this more often? What teaches a new member about the mission and values of our organization better than leading a group of members? What teaches a new member about how the organization runs better than actually helping it run? That is my argument.

We often hold our new members back and not encourage them to run or volunteer for positions until they have been in the organization for a semester or even year. And even if we give them the choice to run, why do we gravitate towards electing the individual who was in the organization longer over the “new guy”? We obviously thought this individual had “what it takes” to be in our organization, so why aren’t they an acceptable choice for an executive board position? They proved themselves didn’t they?

Hopefully they proved they can lead and take one of these positions seriously because you only recruit the best individuals for your organization…Individuals who have a great academic record, showing their commitment to education and taking school seriously…individuals who already held leadership positions before they joined your organization, showing their ability and drive to lead.

I am not saying that everyone is cut out to be a leader. I am not saying that every new member should hold a leadership position. Just don’t doubt anyone’s abilities, whether they have been in your organization for two years or ten minutes.

Besides, they will have plenty of help and support. Isn’t that what brotherhood is all about?

Be a Leader Without Being THE Leader

2010-06-09T15:16:00.002-04:00

Does one have to have a leadership position to be a leader?

If there is anything my professor of Organization Administration taught me, it is that power and leadership comes not from position, but from disposition. So to answer the above question, No, anyone within an organization can be a leader in their organization. Just because someone is given a title does not mean they have the best leadership qualities or can lead any better than you. I am not telling you to overtake your organization or step on any toes, but you do not have to sit back either. The President of your fraternity or sorority can do their best to make big decisions and lead the organization, but if you are the one influencing most of your members to follow through with your goals, aren’t you being a leader? In the simplest terms, leading means influencing others and the bottom line is that you do not have to be in a leadership position to make a significant impact in your organization.

Leadership means being dynamic. Good leaders are not only capable of leading their followers, but are also skillful at leading their peers and those above them. Many individuals believe that once they are given a leadership position, those under them will automatically follow them. This is the farthest from the truth and I have seen it time and time again. There are plenty of presidents, directors, etc. who have little support from those under them. And with no real leadership from within the organization, the organization eventually fails. But who is to blame? The easy answer is the person in the leadership position. But I blame every single person in the organization. Where is the leadership from within?

In order to effectively lead in a leadership position you better have learned to lead when you had no position. Influence is gained over time with passion and hard work. This will create followers who see you as their leader. This is true leadership.

So why do I know individuals who are upset that they were never President of their organization? I know if it were me, I would be more upset if I was not a leader in my organization. Some people who are “stuck in the middle” become frustrated for not gaining a leadership position and get disillusioned about what it is to lead. Instead of being a leader, they get caught up with the fact that they are “not on the exec. board”.

What I leave you with today is this: Be a leader. If you want to see change or want to make your organization grow, only you can make that happen. Whether you are the president or a newly initiated member, you can be a leader in your organization. But it starts when you gain influence,not a title.

Where are the YouTube video contests?

2010-06-02T00:02:00.005-04:00

Hey! How come no major Greek affiliated organization has done a youtube video contest? I mean a legit, “here is why my organization is fantastic”, “I love Greek Life”, super awesome fraternal values youtube video contest.

Well, until Joe and I can get some super sweet sponsored prizes (hint, hint) and maybe some more followers to this blog, I’ll have to leave you with a two great examples. One of them has a good design/poor message and one with a fair design/awesome message. Take a look and decide for yourself.

Enjoy.

Brotherhood Retreats

2010-06-01T18:37:00.002-04:00

There are many great times shared by the brothers of any fraternity, whether it is a trip to the ball game or just hanging out playing video games, or even getting together to do some service for the community. There is one experience though that I believe is the quintessential brotherhood experience…the retreat.

Now what is a retreat?

A retreat in our case is a time to withdraw from the daily stresses of college, a time to unwind, relax, and hang out with the brothers. But what separates a retreat from any other weekend is the time taken to reflect on our experiences in the fraternity as well as build brotherhood.

Yes, a weekend away from campus, away in the woods might mean a weekend of partying for some, but let’s not forget why we joined our organization. If you paid your dues and joined your fraternity in order to party, that’s one expensive party you just wasted your money on.

The reason for being in a fraternity is the brotherhood. Some of our brothers become our closest friends. We share a common bond, common values, and common interests. So while talking for a few hours might sound less appealing than a game of ultimate Frisbee, there is a much greater and far-reaching end result when reflection occurs.

A brotherhood retreat should consist of reflection on the past semester or year—what you guys accomplished, what you would like to do to expand on those accomplishments, and what you can do next time instead. Maybe go one by one and say another brother’s accomplishments you are proud of. The sky’s the limit.

A brotherhood retreat should be FUN. If you’re out in the woods, build a bonfire (if its legal), bring a guitar and sing some tunes, go for a hike or go swimming in a lake. A brotherhood retreat doesn’t have to be in the woods either. Go on a skiing trip. Visit a city. Go to another chapter’s campus. There are plenty of possibilities.

Here’s another tip too: why not use your retreat as the culminating experience for your new member education process? A weekend of learning about the organization and reflecting on its values, ending with the actual initiation ceremony—in front of a bonfire?! I don’t know about you, but that sounds awesome… Just sayin’.

Whatever your retreat may be, plan one. You won’t regret it.

Fraternity Men and the Opposite Sex

2010-05-24T22:29:00.007-04:00

Note: The following post might be a downer for some to read. It is a topic that needs to be addressed, so as I always do, I addressed it. While reflecting on the positives is always good, we must also reflect on the negatives so that we may learn from them. Having a history degree I always say 'those who do not know their history are deemed to repeat it' (or let it be repeated)...let's make change.

On a February night in 1997 a young woman runs naked out of a University of Florida fraternity house crying. She has just been raped by young man in a fraternity house while his brothers helped to hold her down while one videotaped the incident.

In a 2001, Dartmouth College’s campus newspaper published graphic excerpts from a fraternity’s weekly newsletters in which brothers described their sexual encounters with women on campus.

While these are only two examples, they represent a long-standing issue in the fraternal world: hegemonic masculinity and sexual exploitation.

Ever since fraternities were born in the 1820s they have represented a culture of masculine supremacy that exploits women and demeans not only the opposite sex, but us as a fraternity culture. While most fraternity men do not participate in such acts as listed above, there is more than enough evidence that points to an anti-feminist mindset running rampant in our organizations. Sexual conquests are a common topic of conversation while parties are hosted donning such titles as “Pimps and Ho’s” so that women may show up scantily clad. While one can argue women do show up to these events on their own accord, there is a line that is often crossed with young mens' behavior. Since a woman is dressed sexy (or yeah, yeah…many times trashy these days) it does not mean she is “asking for it”. I have heard this argument way too many times.

The bottom line is we need to stop. When did we stop treating women like ladies and more like playthings for sexual exploits? Why do we brag about these ‘adventures’ the next day to our buddies? And how the hell did it get so far with some individuals as to create a "rape culture"?

Looking back to the early days of fraternal brotherhood, fraternities used to recruit many men based partly on looks because they knew they would bring in more women to their parties. As Nicholas Syrett states in his book “The Company He Keeps: A History of White College Fraternities”, popularity—evaluated through dating women—came to define a properly enacted collegiate masculinity.

Now, as a heterosexual man I cannot help but agree with the desire to attract women to our organization, but basing recruitment on looks and popularity does not serve well for obtaining the best men for your organization. I for one have never considered attractiveness in my recruitment practices [Mu Alphas…we just happened to be the best looking guys on campus anyway, right?] But this is 2010. And our fraternities do not just consist of heterosexual men. I have several gay friends who are in fraternities today and I would be proud to call any one of them my brothers. And a few of them I am lucky enough to do so. Well, if masculinity is representative of “conquering” women and treating them like objects for our sexual gain, where do gay men fit into this definition of masculinity?

Of course the modern definition of masculinity is so misconstrued at this point that young men buy in. They continue this trend with fear that they will not fit in or be cool. But let me tell you something: real men treat women with respect and dignity…They treat each other with respect and dignity.

While I consider myself a feminist by modern definition, I have one simple rule about fraternity mens' actions in general that applies well here: Do not do anything that you would not be proud for your mother to know about. That’s right—it always comes down to dear mom.

While I could continue by providing some ideas about what I think a real man is, I want to leave you to think about it some more yourself and have conversation with your brothers. Use this as a conversation starter about who you are as an organization, the men you recruit, the men you strive to be, your place in the fraternal community, and your role as a man. Fraternities are not just about fostering relationships with your brothers, but fostering healthy romantic relationships as well. Remember gentlemen…treat every woman [and man] with respect and dignity. Mother’s always watching!

Where is the Line?

2010-03-28T22:00:00.003-04:00

Where is the line between my personal life and my fraternity membership? I find it interesting that this is a question I am repeatedly asked by fraternity men. Here are a few example scenarios I’ve been asked:

“So…What if I want to throw a birthday party for a friend at my house where my roommates are all my brothers? It’s my friend and the party has nothing to do with the fraternity.”

“So…what if I’m just hanging out with a few brothers and someone lights up a bowl? It’s a personal choice and we are doing it in private.”

I have quickly learned that many fraternity men want a definitive answer to every scenario that may pop up. I have also learned that there are several schools of thoughts with dealing with these types of questions and comments…some of them effective and some of them of not.

1. The Duck Rule:

“If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…then we can assume that it must be a duck.” I’m sure you’ve heard this quite a bit. I agree that the logic makes sense. If a person can walk into a shady scenario and concludes that all the people in it are connected together through a fraternity…then you might have some trouble. However, I do find that the “Duck Rule” isn’t the most effective tool for fraternity men. “Well everything could look like a duck.” The “Duck Rule” doesn’t help find a solution, it helps define more grey.

2. The Ratio:

This is my least favorite school of thought. “If there are more than three fraternity men in the same vicinity then it qualifies that scenario as a fraternity event.” The ratio rule changes depending on the policy or who is talking about the rule. My favorite response to the ratio rule was, “That means if I take a dump in the student union and two of my brothers come in to use the urinals, then that makes it a fraternity event.” My response, “Uh…I guess so.”

3. Ritual & Values

My personal favorite. “Do your actions individually or in a group, reflect the values you pledged to? Do your behaviors reflect your fraternity’s ritual and creed?” This approach helps fraternity men connect to the organization that they love. Unfortunately…not all fraternity men connect to the values that their fraternity was founded upon.

4. The Law

The quickest way to deal with questions and comments. “Is it legal? No? Then don’t do it.” Quick, simple and no hard thinking is necessary for either the advisor or the fraternity man.

But here’s the deal. Ratios, Ducks and Laws might not help us create a hard line that we can see all the time… or the line we want to see. However if we can stick to our values then we can’t go wrong. Remember this…we pledged an oath to live the ritual, not just when we wear our letters. We pledged that oath for a lifetime and we don’t shed that oath during the summer, winter break or on weekends.

The Ethical Leader

2010-02-19T22:24:00.002-05:00

[Many of the following ideas are adapted from R. Edward Freeman’s business model for developing ethical leadership, as well as W.E. Fluker’s Ethical Leadership Model]

What are your most important values and principles? What are your fraternity’s and brothers’ values and principles? Does what you do in your everyday life actually embody these values? Is there anything you have done that would make others question your ethics as a leader? –Or how you help your organization embody that ethical code?

Would you and everyone in your organization be proud to tell your moms everything you do as a part of your fraternity?

…Thought so.

So here it is:

True leaders see their fraternity brothers not as their followers, but rather as individuals striving to achieve the same common purpose, vision, and values. Fraternities are a democracy, a team—together sharing a goal of (what I hope is) excellence. Your chapter president, whether it is you or not, is just the individual put in place by the brothers to represent the interests of all of you, collectively.

Since every brother has their own individuality, and moral code they live by, the true leader must respect every brother’s autonomy in order to maintain a moral community.

Morality by definition is the commonly accepted rules of conduct and pattern of behavior approved by a social group. And everyone has their own morals based on how they were raised, their religion, their community, etc. Ethics on the other hand is the critical analysis of morality, and the conditions in which moral decision making takes place.

The ethical leader should be the embodiment of the values, vision, and purpose of the organization and all of its brothers. The ethical leader connects the goals of the fraternity with that of the brothers, the national fraternity, and their school.

To do this, the leader must maintain an open conversation with his fraternity brothers in order to better understand their different views, values, and opinions. They are open to their brothers’ opinions and ideas because they know these ideas make the organization they are leading better. What it really comes down to is not just living your ritual, but making sure your brothers live it too.

Ethical leadership in a nutshell means incorporating others’ values with your own, as well as those of the fraternity and your school, and embodying them in all you do, while educating your brothers about these values and holding them accountable for living them in their everyday lives as much as yourself.

It is one thing to lead a moral and ethical life, but a leader holds those he leads accountable for doing the same.

Joe

Brotherhood

2010-02-15T12:26:00.003-05:00

Many of the nation's colleges have just ended their school's official fraternity recruitment week (and I say official because we all know you should be recruiting all year!). That being said, one of the greatest challenges for a fraternity is getting their recruits or perspective members to understand the meaning of brotherhood. For many men, what they deem "brotherhood" is just something that comes with the parties and the girls, what they have seen in Animal House and countless college movies...or even the TV show Greek. These are the stereotypes that Hollywood and many non-Greek students often perpetuate. As Greeks, we all know that is not the case.

I admit, like many others, I was one of those who believed the stereotypes, especially when some of the fraternities I came in contact with were not working very hard to go against that stigma. Let's face it. Outside of class, college for many guys is a place for parties and girls. But that is a college thing, not a fraternity thing. Fraternities offer something greater.

There is something called brotherhood that goes beyond the limits of friendship and camaraderie. It is something that I felt glimpses of with my fellow Boy Scouts growing up, something I know my friend Shea feels with those in his military unit, but it is not something you find often. Unless you join a fraternity.

At first I joined my fraternity because it was a leadership and organizational experience I wanted to take advantage of (I assisted in the recolonization of my chapter). But what I found within my organization was some of the best friends I will ever have. It changed my perspective of Greek life so completely that it influenced me to enter college student affairs as a career.

It is not just a friendship though, and it is hard to explain to my best friends outside of the fraternity. I try to explain brotherhood to my friend Ian whom I've known since we were five and he still doesn't get it. It just may be something you don't understand unless you're a part of it.

Society often dictates that men can not have meaningful relationships with one another, but as fraternity men, we know this is not true.

Being a part of a brotherhood, I know that there are countless men who have my back, who will support everything I do, help me up when I am down, celebrate me when I have made accomplishments. They have helped me grow as a leader, as a team-player, as a student, and as a man. They have taught me how to gain meaningful relationships with others, when often in these times we cling on to our old friends and avoid making new ones. Brotherhood has helped me in communicating effectively.

While there are countless ways to explain brotherhood, it is often difficult to explain it at the same time. But it is clear to us as fraternity men what it is.

We are more than friends; we are a family.

Joe

Don't Doubt a Dinner!

2010-02-09T12:47:00.001-05:00

Congratulations! You have stepped up to the challenge and declared yourself a leader in your chapter. You have great ideas; you're motivated to create a new wave of growth. However, you soon realize that you are the only one committed to the work it takes to get there. It's not that the other members don’t want to reach the same goals, but its work, and work is hard. You're frustrated. How come nobody is passionate about doing the things it takes to keep this organization alive? Hardly anybody recruits, meetings have poor attendance and getting anybody to do their jobs is like pulling teeth.

Well guess what? You’re not alone… Chapter presidents around the nation understand that dreaded 80/20 theory stating that eighty percent of the work is done by twenty percent of the chapter. Well, congrats again, we know the name of the theory, and it’s not at all a relief to the dilemma. Well let me give you some info.

Work is a learned behavior that is influenced by the environment.

Basically if work isn’t an expectation of chapter members early on, then it’s really difficult to expect it from our members when they aren’t used to it. This is one case where you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But I don’t need to tell you that.

What if we were to associate brotherhood with chapter functionality and membership responsibility? What if we could change the perception of our chapter to realize that a primary responsibility of brotherhood is recruiting and becoming leaders in and outside of the chapter?

Wait, can you teach an old new tricks? Instead of a new trick what if we gave people a new a job?

I know what you're thinking right now, "Well that's issue! We can't make them do their jobs!" Okay, well let's give them jobs that’s not considered work. Meaning we can have jobs that are both fun and functional. But where do we start? With food...

Don't discount the effectiveness of a weekly brotherhood dinner. It’s a time to be social while creating the environment where work is expected. Let me tell you how.
There are three components in this process that helps teach your members that brotherhood and chapter member responsibility are linked. The first is hype. You need to be excited, get your exec board excited and get your active members pumped. The second component is competition. Allow and foster healthy competition. The last component is gratitude. Give positive enforcement to your members when they are doing positive things for the chapter.

So how does it work? First set aside some money in your budget for the weekly dinner. Then identify a few groups within your chapter. I like family trees but try to make sure all the groups are balanced in size. They can cook whatever they want within their allotted budget. This is where the job starts. I like families because it’s usually a mix of new and older members, leaders and slackers. Together they have to plan a menu and think about cups, plates, drink and an entree, etc. Through this process they have to shop together, debate the menu, delegate tasks and then actually host the event. Brotherhood grows while achieving short term goals.

Now I guarantee the first week's group will prepare spaghetti and kool-aid. This where you as a chapter leader will thank them with a round of applause for their efforts at the next chapter meeting, but then will start to plant little seeds of competitiveness. "So, does this next week's group think they can top it?" Next time it will be Joe's famous chili and rootbeer floats.

***(New Tradition Tip: Have you historian keep all the recipes and keep pictures of your dinners. Twenty years from now how cool would it be if your undergrad chapter contacted you and asked if you wanted to buy the Official Chapter Cook Book? Part cookbook, part yearbook and it helps raise some money for your chapter, too cool)***

So how do weekly brotherhood dinners teach chapter member responsibilities? First is accountability, if you don't make dinner on your assigned night, you’re going to hear about it. Second, nobody wants to be the group where they cook and nobody shows up. This will help create the environment where it's expected for a Brother to support another Brother's dinner. Third it creates a healthy competitive spirit that builds pride in membership through raising standards (even if it’s through entrees). Your chapter will begin to learn "work" within a new context.

While your members start to take pride in their work, start finding ways to encourage them to use their skills and talents in other parts of the chapter. Also have your executive board team up with you new members to prepare a dinner. This way you can model what chapter leadership is while building friendships. And feel free to mix it up. Have graduating seniors host a dinner. Prepare a dinner with alumni or your advisors. Host a sorority or faculty members. Invite guys that are on your recruitment list. Host a chili kickoff against another fraternity (remember, healthy competition). Barbeque in the warm weather and encourage your Bigs and Littles to host a night. Have fun while encouraging healthy chapter growth.

****DISLAIMER:
Please note this information presented needs to be individualized for your chapter. YOU are the best person to gauge if this will help your chapter. Change it, modify it, and make it your own. YOU are the expert when it comes to your chapter. Second, please be aware that this isn't a quick fix. If you are under the impression three dinners will transform your chapter into a brotherhood of workhorses, then I have mistakenly misled you. I believe that brotherhood dinners should be coupled with a chapter retreat using the same concepts, but that's a post for a later time. Remember this; it's not enough to just have dinners you need to be excited. You need to spread excitement, praise your members for good work and invite them to use their talents and pride for the good of the order.****

Sam

The Hazing Continues

2010-02-02T12:11:00.002-05:00

I was not planning on writing another blog today regarding hazing, since that was a recent subject, but something happened this week at Rutgers that tremendously disturbed me. On college campuses across the country, this week is "Rush Week", which is when most fraternity and sorority hazing occurs. For six members of the Sigma Gamma Rho sorority at Rutgers, that meant limiting the eating of their pledges and paddling them until they bled and could not sit. Here is an article on the incident.

The article states, "According to one pledge, over the course of seven days four members of the sorority repeatedly beat her, leaving her 'unable to sit, her buttocks covered with blood clots and welts.' The pledge ended up being hospitalized for her injuries."

The disturbing part is not even the beatings, but the mindset of the individuals doing it. In a statement to the police and media, one of the members said "the purpose of the beating was to build trust between them and to humble them". And that this was "not hazing".

Not hazing? As far I know, that counts as physical and psychological abuse. How can any human being think that beating someone improves their character? [I do not like making comparisons to the military because it can be argued they need to be prepared to experience the physical and psychological turmoil of war--although I do not agree with many military practices either].

As an NPHC fraternity member stated to me, "there is a difference between hazing and disciplining...I was not hazed, I was disciplined". He added, "its all about tradition and teaches us how to be men, to be strong, and to be accountable. By doing that, I earned my letters".

As someone on the outside, I am frightened that people actually agree with getting a beating, or starving one's self as a way to prove yourself. And I only quoted one individual above. I spoke to several Greeks who expressed the same opinion.

Why can't we change this culture to one that builds character based on trust, love, leadership, and genuine respect?

[Note: This incident is not representative of the Rutgers Greek community. It is a strong community with over 70 organizations and they contribute much to the school and surrounding community. The Rutgers Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, along with their councils have been working diligently to resolve these problems and educate the school population on the wrongdoings of hazing]

Joe

Look Who We're Recruiting

2010-01-19T00:12:00.001-05:00

When I was approached to join my fraternity...wait, stop right there. You mean I did not just show up to a party I heard about on a flyer stapled to a telephone pole on campus?

Let's start over.

When you ask the average college student what they think of when you say "recruitment" it is usually a party or similar event that comes to their mind. While attending college I too remember the flyers taped to the walls of the student center, promising of "fun" and "brotherhood", usually through words better described as foul--pertaining to parties and quotes like the memorable "we piss excellence".

When our effort is in little more than printing out some words on a paper and stapling them to poles, do we really find the best men on campus walking through our door? Or do we just take what we can get with the littlest of effort? I would guess that many fraternity men joined their organization because they showed up at a "rush party" and had a good time and the brothers happened to like them.

Do we really find good men this way? Or do we continue a cycle of finding men who just want to party and only sense of brotherhood is the fun the brothers have together with a keg.

If we truly believe in the pillars of our creed and the values of our ritual, then why are we not going out and seeking men that symbolize these virtues already?

Stealing the words of John Shertzer, a true fraternity man, we are in a Renaissance of ideas and principles. Fraternities are stepping up and doing more than throwing parties and barbecues and hoping men show up interested in joining. There needs to be a shift of Ritual as a ceremony to ritual as a living out of the fraternal values we say we believe. There needs to be a shift from "rush" to year-round recruitment.

What we truly need to do is just go out and meet people. Go to them. Meet men, shake their hands, find out THEIR values and see if they match YOURS and the FRATERNITY'S. This is how we need to recruit. If we find men that already symbolize the values of the organization, then it is our job to take them in and teach them about who we are. Then they too will see that they belong to your fraternity. New Member Education (not "pledging") should be the teaching of your fraternity's rich history, not a process to weed out men. If you chose those who live up to your values, then they have already proven themselves.

And why do we only recruit twice a year? If you truly want your fraternity to grow and be strong, why not seek out men all year long? Why wait for your Greek Director to tell you it is Recruitment week. Every week should be recruitment week. Every day you meet new people, so every day you have the chance to meet a potential new member.

So go out. Embrace change. Don't be lazy. Don't be afraid. Go out. Meet new people. Live your ritual. Tell others about it. If you do this, I promise you will meet a new potential member. And I guarantee you that if you go out and seek that member and you have chosen him because he lives up to your fraternity's values, then he will be one of the strongest brothers you will ever have. Now imagine if you did that with every new member.

You would have the strongest fraternity on campus. And one where the members truly live up to the principles they say they believe in.

I challenge you.

So get on, what are you waiting for?!

[For great recruitment tools and ideas, check out PHIRED UP RECRUITMENT--they're excellent!]

Joe

2009-11-21T15:54:00.001-05:00

This video was created by the brothers of the Upsilon Omega Chapter, at the Alpha Epsilon Pi Fraternity at the University of Oregon. It is a great and amusing video related to enforcing rules and values in your fraternity.

Hazing: How Do We Prevent It?

2009-11-21T14:58:00.002-05:00

Hazing is probably one of the most vital topics in Greek Life today, from branding to forced binge drinking. It is something that has become a symbol of fraternities and their recklessness. And it needs to be stopped.

Joining a fraternity is one of the biggest decisions many college men will make during their undergraduate studies. With that decision comes responsibility to one’s self, the organization and the college community at large. Hazing, the act of being persecuted or harassed with humiliating tasks, words or actions, is unfortunately, still a common occurrence on and off college campuses, especially during the fraternity rush and pledge period. How a young man responds to an act of hazing directed at him will set the tone for not only the year, but the college experience and potentially, for life.

When joining a fraternity, one should understand what the fraternity is known for when it comes to hazing. I for one do not want to join any organization that wants to brand me or force me to drink until I get alcohol poisoning and potentially die. Death is not an option for me quite yet.

Of course, some acts of hazing are not as life threatening, but are just as serious when it comes to the psychological or emotional scarring that it may cause. Hazing is an abuse of power that uses peer pressure and psychological control to manipulate people into doing things that they would not otherwise do. And that is just wrong.

Hazing doesn't build brotherhood as we see in our military system, it builds unquestioning abeyance of any command by authority. One of the highest mortality rates during the Vietnam War was our Lieutenants being shot by their own troops. People can't demand respect. And, within a fraternity system, we shouldn't be building a system around respect--rather one around trust, support, and brotherhood.

Speaking with someone I know in a fraternity at a college I will not mention, he spoke of being locked in a room with four other guys and a keg and not being let out until it was empty. He spoke of two of them getting alcohol poisoning and being admitted into the hospital. And after telling me this, the smile on his face told me how he felt about it. He thought it was amusing. When I asked him why he did it, he spoke of tradition and that “this is what you do to get into frats” and “I get to do it to the next guys”.

The first alarm that goes off is that he believes this is tradition. I guarantee that this is a lie. Even if people did it before him, in no way does that make it tradition. Secondly, his remark that he would get to make someone else do it later is scary.

I asked him what he would do if one of them died, and he said that it wouldn’t be his fault. “I didn’t force them to drink…they would be doing it to get into the frat”. He continued by stating that if they wanted to not do it they could—but then they wouldn’t get into the fraternity.

As many of us know, he would indeed be responsible for that young man’s death. Hazing is in fact against the law, and using any psychological pressures like “doing something to get into a frat” are considered hazing. I know for a fact that right now there are fraternity men sitting in a prison cell for just this. But why?

Why do some fraternity men think this is right?
And why are we not stopping them?

This summer I saw an excellent short film at my fraternity’s summer leadership conference, entitled The Bystander Effect. Bystander effect is the phenomena where individuals do not offer help in an emergency or situation when other people are present or involved. There is a belief that someone else will step in, or that by you stepping in you will suffer embarrassment. The probability of help is often inversely proportional to the number of bystanders. It other words, the more frat guys standing around, the less likely someone will do something about it… In the film, members of Greek organizations relay their own experiences, speaking about brothers and sisters hazing, and almost always many people believed it was wrong but never did anything about it.

We need to make a change.

Changing the system doesn't have to lose any of the fun, the discipline, or the connectedness of the group. In fact, by eliminating hazing, we will build stronger camaraderie within the pledge class, build a sense and anticipation of belonging to the fraternity, and build a way that, when initiated, the individual pledge becomes integrated as a brother rather than remaining part of a tight pledge class that remains separate from the rest of the active chapter after initiation.

With all this in mind, the real reason to change shouldn't be because we might get shut down or we might end up in prison. It should be because we really believe that without hazing, we can build an even stronger brotherhood and with a stronger brotherhood comes a stronger fraternity system.

So I implore you to be this change. Stand up to this nonsense. Live up to your fraternity’s ideals and values. If you do not represent those values, are you even a true brother? I say NO. So BE a brother. Be a model for change. If you disagree with hazing, I guarantee you are not alone. Do not let the bystander effect take you over. Once you make your move, your brothers will have your back.

Because that is what brotherhood is all about.

Joe

Why Join a Fraternity?

2009-11-21T08:09:00.001-05:00

I know that most of you who are reading this are already a member of a fraternity, but I want to raise the question of why people join them in the first place? I thought this would be a good topic to start this blog, as well as introduce myself just a little bit more.

The NIC had a great article entitled "What Kind of Guy Joins a Fraternity?" by T.J. Sullivan. Like the author, I too always felt that fraternities were not for me. When I entered college I had the impression--from movies, popular culture, and just hearing things all my life--that fraternities were all about partying and girls. Well, that second part ain't bad--but what kind of guy really joins fraternities?

Popular culture tells us its the good-looking jock or the stoner, those who enjoy binge drinking, hard partying, yelling at inappropriate times and just being obnoxious. They were "rowdy men who played high school sports...painted their bodies for football games" (Sullivan, 2009). Guys with rich fathers who already had a job lined up after college, so didn't really care about their school work.

Like T.J. Sullivan, I was not one of those guys.

I was in fact a high school athlete, and did well on the girl front...but I definitely didn't have a job lined up after college, and I definitely was not a partier. In fact, being the responsible guy I am, I did not drink a single thing until after I was 21. But that's a different story... I was not the most popular guy at school--I was artistic, a boy scout, I listened to more alternative music and dressed the part. Did I always fit in? Definitely not.

So when I came to college, did I want to join a "frat"? Hell no.

Then my junior year, I became friends with John.

John was trying to recolonize his fraternity that was kicked off campus our freshman year just as he was joining. Of course, at first I told John no. He was persistent though, and told me about the other guys interested. These guys he was naming were just like me in many ways, guys I had known around campus and admired as being campus leaders and involved in service and other positive aspects of student life. I immediately became more interested until eventually I told John I changed my mind.

And that was the best decision I have ever made.

Nothing can match the brotherhood I feel with my fellow 'Muds'. They are some of the best friends I have. But why?

Dedicated to brotherhood, service, and democracy--our three pillars. It might sound like a cop-out to just spout off what the fraternity says they represent, and to say that I or my brothers symbolize these three things. But they do, and I hope anyone would say the same for me.

In Phi Mu Delta I found a group of men dedicated to community service, the welfare of our campus, each other, and the outside community. I found men who were academically minded and helped each other, wanting each other to succeed. I found men who would stand up for each other's beliefs even if they were not their own. Men who were responsible and accountable for their actions, proud of who they were and what they stood for. I found friends. I found brothers.

Brotherhood is a family. And my brothers are my brothers because they were open to joining our family. Like a family, we argue, we have fun together, get mad at each other, kill time together, and enable each other's best and worst impulses (2009). Sometimes there are guys that you do not like all that much, but you work it out, and work together. Because he is your brother. And that is what matters most.

As fraternity men we have done a poor job of telling others this. Who we really are. What we truly stand for. Fraternities all over the country have let images of buffoonery and stupidity become the symbol of fraternities. We have let partying and drinking become the symbol of our culture. But it isn't.

It is not t-shirts with letters on them, popped collars, hats tilted slightly to the side, and aviator sunglasses. It is not a big house with letters on them, excessive partying and kegs rolling in the door. It is not hazing, pranks, and paddles.

A fraternity is a place where the guy who doesn't fit in well, who doesn't look the part, who doesn't get a long with his dad, or worries too much, feels uncomfortable..can feel, well...a little more comfortable.

A fraternity is a space where you feel valued,and cared about, and safe. It is a place where although in life you feel uncertainty, it is certain that in your fraternity, you have brothers who are looking out for you.

And that is what fraternities are all about.

And because I knew those guys did symbolize those ideals, I did join the fraternity. That is why I am now a fraternity brother. And I have never been prouder.

So I implore you, as a fraternity brother, to stand for something greater, to be a brother, to symbolize fraternities the way they are meant to.

Until next time...

Joe

Oh, and...shout out to my fellow Muds.

Joe

Introduction

2009-11-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

Greetings!

Please let me introduce myself. My name is Joseph Thompson. I am graduate student at Rutgers University, New Brunswick in the College Student Affairs program. I am a pround member of the Mu Alpha Chapter of Phi Mu Delta Fraternity at Susquehanna University, as well as a member of our national council. I work as the leader of our alumni group and I hope to one day either work for my own organization or as a director of Greek Life at a prestigous college. I have strong beliefs about the Greek movement and about fraternity values, and I hope to use this blog as a venue for sharing these ideals. There are numerous topics I would like to cover and discuss, so not only will I blog myself, but I hope that you can provide your own feedback as well.

Fraternally yours,

Joseph Thompson